Grace Upon Grace

Well hello there! Things have been a little quiet on the blog for a couple months now and there is most definitely a reason! As you have probably put together by the picture above (if you don't follow me elsewhere on social media), we're pregnant with our second little miracle and all kinds of excited about it!

I've wanted to share this baby's story here on the blog for awhile and share all the details surrounding what a sweet miracle it is, but as we all know, mom life is busy and during the holidays especially, so this has been put on the back burner for a few weeks! Due to the nature of how long we've wanted this baby, the story is a bit long and we all know I'm long winded to begin with, so feel free to go grab a cup of tea before you start reading. I'll wait. ;)

This little one's story actually started over a year and half ago when we decided we wanted to start trying for another little munchkin. For those of you who know me or have followed me for a while, you probably know that I have PCOS (cysts on my ovaries) and that just six months before getting pregnant with our sweet Belle I was told by multiple doctors that it would be very difficult to get pregnant naturally and that I shouldn't get my hopes too high up. Belle was our miracle. Belle Anne actually means Beautiful Favor and that's just what she has been for us. God's favor wrapped up in a spunky little nugget that is our sweet girl.

Needless to say, I have been very cautious in hoping I would get the chance to carry another baby in my own womb. So when we started trying in the summer of 2015 I wasn't holding my breath. As the months went by though, I realized just how badly I wanted another baby and how heartbroken I was getting over the negative pregnancy tests month after month. I felt guilty for feeling so broken about it because first off all, I had already been given a baby that doctors had told me I may never have and secondly so many women in this world had gone through years of negative tests and hardcore fertility treatments. I felt I didn't have the right to be so upset about it (and was actually told that by well meaning individuals), but try as I might my heart started to ache more and more and I grew more upset with each passing month until I got to a point where I started to feel a bit numb. I decided for my own mental health I needed to stop the tracking and stress of all the "scheduling". So we took a break. We didn't prevent by any means, but we took the stress out and knew that if God wanted us to have another biological baby, He would make it happen precisely when He wanted to and that's just what He did.

Ya'll marriage is hard. It's two imperfect people being joined for life and learning how best to love one another in all their differences. Sometimes crap hits the fan and you're covered in it. It's challenging and messy, but in the best sort of way, because it's one of those relationships God uses to shape you into who He desires you to be. Well this Fall was one of those times that very unexpectedly, crap did indeed hit the fan and we needed to clean ourselves up a bit. So we decided to give ourselves some breathing room to deal with the mess and we pressed pause on that baby. By God's grace, we fixed the fan that had spiraled out of control and found our groove again. However, we decided to keep preventing until after our holiday travel plans.

Little did we know God had other plans that we wouldn't be privy to for weeks.

We took Belle to Disney, enjoyed fall activities we had wanted to do for years and simply rested.
Then I got food poisoning Halloween weekend and was laid up for a few days and it hit me that I was a little late. However I didn't think too long about it because that was an impossible option in my mind with the combo of preventing and my cysts. So I moved on about life.
About a week later and still not feeling back to my normal self after the food poisoning, it struck me again and I loaded Belle in the van and went to get the pregnancy tests immediately. The whole time I kept telling myself I was over the moon crazy.
I took them. Both of them. Back to back because of how fast those little lines popped up on the first. I was in so much shock that I wrapped them up and put them out of sight for a couple days. I wrestled with so many emotions those few days, it's kind of a blur. How in the world could I be pregnant? I mean, I couldn't - the tests were clearly defective right? I had a routine doc appointment that week and I would just see about all this craziness.

Well obviously I was told they weren't wrong. Ha.
So the night of my doctor's appointment I finally let Barry in on the crazy news! I will never live it down that I waited nearly a week to tell him, but I wanted to do something a little more special then just blurting it out this time and those first few days I was in way too much shock - so no regrets here. I waited until Belle went to sleep that night and handed him a envelope where I had explained it humorously that he had knocked me up. He was immediately overjoyed as I knew he would be, which helped my shock ease a bit, but it didn't fully go away for a few more weeks.

We decided not to tell anyone until we got to talk things through with Belle - because we happen to have one of the most perceptive toddlers ever and we didn't want her to be blindsided by anyone calling her a big sister and us not having explained it to her yet. Due to having a higher risk of miscarriage because of my cysts we chose to wait until we saw my OB and had an ultrasound before explaining all things baby to Belle. Ya'll that first ultrasound, seeing that little tadpole of a baby  and hearing it's heartbeat is like nothing else. I probably would've cried if that 8 week ultrasound wasn't such an uncomfortable experience. That is when the lump that had been in my throat for two weeks dissipated and started giving way to excitement and smiling over this sweet miracle. There it was. Our baby. One we had started to think we may never have. The size of a blueberry and all kinds of perfect.

Telling our first little miracle about this one will forever be one of the sweetest memories. We took her out to lunch after the appointment and told her that she was going to be a big sister and that there was a teeny tiny baby growing in my belly. The very first thing she wanted to know was if she got to hold and sing to the baby. Cue the emotional pregnant hormones into overdrive, why don't ya? Sheesh. She is seriously already the best big sister - helping me rest, praying for "her" baby, rubbing and kissing my belly and excitedly telling people about the baby. She also "checks" on the baby multiple times a day via an app on my phone that shows a 3D image of how the baby is progressing week by week. It may just be the cutest situation I've ever encountered.

I'm 16 weeks and our sweet babe is the size of an avocado at this point, which would explain why my bump has finally popped and I'm hitting the stage of probably needing to go get some baby bump friendly jeans. My bump waited to pop a lot later this time, so I'm super excited to finally look and feel pregnant after just feeling like someone who needed to catch up on sleep!

This baby is such a picture of God's grace to me. I feel so loved and known by God. He knew the exact moment He wanted to give us this gift. He knew what craziness this year was going to hold and the uncertainty of what this current year is already throwing our way. This baby is a constant reminder to me that God is on His throne and knows exactly what His children need and when they need it.

I plan to post "bumpdates" again this time around, although starting waaaay later than I did with Belle's pregnancy since we didn't publicize this pregnancy until the holidays which was no time to start working blogging back into my weekly routine, ya feel me? However, they will happen and I can't wait to share the differences and ups and downs of this pregnancy with you all!

Until next time, BUMP out!


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