If you come over to my house on a Tuesday, or a Friday, or really any day that I haven't had at least 24 hours advance notice - you will find my house looking a little like this:
When you first come in, feel free to throw your stuff anywhere - our kitchen table is a pretty good place for anything from half eaten bananas, a pile of clean laundry or your keys and change from the day. Watch your step though - you may step on the basket full of toys that has been picked up and dumped out at least 168 times today. There is probably also a few pieces of pasta or peas that my baby threw across the room when I wasn't looking. Lucky for you they are most likely dried out, because it's been a few days since I vacummed - or maybe a few weeks? I don't really know anymore.
When I offer you something to drink I'm going to be kicking myself for not buying red solo cups this week, because if you take me up on my offer it's going to add to the pile of dirty dishes in the sink that is already creeping out of the sink and onto the counter (not including all the random used dishes sitting in the living room). Oh and when you come into the kitchen, please don't judge me on the fact that there is a bunch of empty food boxes, cartons and containers on the floor.... my kid really likes playing with empty cereal boxes.
After we've poured ourselves some tea, we can go hang out on a comfy couch in the living room and catch up. Oh whoops, let me grab that bottle, spit up rag and (double oops) my bra off the couch. Please ignore the other couch that's actually has so much laundry on it, it hasn't been sat on for over a week. By the time I get the clothes washed and dried and brought in on "laundry day", I really have no time to fold them - I will make my fifteenth attempt at folding them tomorrow or after you leave tonight.... but most likely not for a few more days.
Now we can finally chat. Sorry if I seem a bit distracted though, every time we laugh I get super nervous that the babe is going to wake up early from her nap. But I like laughing and I don't want us to stop.... so I'm just going to sit here and silently pray to the Lord that she's sleeping like a rock in the other room. Oh, the bathroom? It's right down the hall... fair warning, I seriously don't remember cleaning it this week. There is most likely a few onesies hanging on the shower curtain due to not wanting to do a load of laundry per diaper blowout. There is also evidence of postpartum hormones making me shed hair like a dog, as you will see... on the floor, on the sink (something I do try to wipe out daily... because EW.) and most definitely stuck on the back of the toilet seat, thanks to my hairdryer whipping it around the room. Sorry... but Belle screams every time I leave her, to use the bathroom, so I don't really spend much time in there these days, forcing cleaning to take a backseat. Oh and for the love - PLEASE don't look in my bathtub. I know we as women get nosy and want to know what brand of shampoo the other uses, but please, leave me a little shred of dignity by not looking in.
Oh, yes that's her waking up... I'll
Gosh, where did the time go? It looks like you have to head off to your exciting evening plans. Thanks so much for swinging by to catch up on my glamorous mama life. Hopefully it didn't scare you from having kids one day soon, because if you're married, there is a good chance I'm praying for you to get pregnant asap so that I can have another mama friend who understands what my life is like right now.
Most of all, thanks for not judging the crap out of my unkempt house (and let's be honest.... my hair and outfit probably scream "unkempt" too). Feel free to come by any time.... just know that if I don't have that 24 hours heads up, it won't be the last time you set foot in this beautiful, happy mess.