i'm not going to do the whole "i'm sorry for not blogging thing..." i'm just going to simply explain:
i'm a very firm believer in not complaining on one's blog or posting when you're angry or super sad.
it's just not the best reading material nor does it lift anyone up... so i avoid it at all costs.
i also don't think readers should know my deepest hurts and the intricate pieces of my heart's feelings... those are reserved for close friends who care enough to take the time for coffee or coming over to my house and actually asking how i am... actually wanting the messy part of me that ends up crying or getting really awkward.
those sweet friends hug me and cheer me up.
those are the only ones who are going to get the fullness of my heart's hurts...
not the internet stalkers who just want to be in the know...
however, i'll share a little bit...

my absence of personal posts have been because this month has been less than pleasant.
it's been the worst month of missing barry so far. the worst month for a lot of other reasons too.
one day i will be perfectly sane and happy. the next an absolute wreck.
i'm a master at covering it up... have been since i was a kid. i can tuck everything away just below the surface so that no one will know anything is wrong.... i only let people see something is wrong if i want them to and then even if i decide to let someone see it.... there will be very few who actually get to know what is actually wrong.

i've had to do a lot of tearing my own walls down lately so that i can let people in.
it's one of the hardest things i have ever had to do... but it's already worth it...

prettypic found via pinterest
this month has been one of just focusing on personal growth.
giving myself down time to hear myself think.
dedicating my time to things i enjoy.
letting my guards down.
pouring every bit of my heart in my kids.
working out and getting my body healthy.
finding creative ways to love people.
surrounding myself with people who put my heart back in place.

some of that may seem selfish to some people... but it's not. it's what God is calling me to right now.
resting in him. saying no to people [it isn't a sin].
it isn't selfish to take time to learn and be still. it's actually biblical.

it's been oh so good for me.... to take time to reflect and learn to trust Jesus.
the upsides are that today marks the half way point of barry's deployment.
i have some amazing friends who keep me accountable, love me at my worst, and make me laugh.
i have a husband that loves me and takes time to surprise me.
i have a Savior who draws me to Him every time I start to stray.
i'm overwhelmed by love and grace every day....

letting myself get caught up in sadness isn't an option... there is too many good things happening in LIFE.
On that note.... i've got kids that call me mommy to get ready for!

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Powered by Blogger.