Drowning in Grace

Well hello there. It's been a while. I'm not doing one of those "i'm sorry i haven't been blogging lately" posts. Those are dumb. Blogging is not an obligatory thing for me.... so I have nothing to apologize for. I've had a lot going on that I've had to work through. I've had a lot going on that I have no time to sit down and share my feelings and thoughts and life with the world. Journaling is a much more appealing option lately seeing as it's somewhere that's not public for all to see. That's ok.

i'm married to the most loving, most attractive husband in the world.

I get asked about 15 hundred times a week how I'm doing and if I'm ok and if I need anything and how I'm "holding up" and told that I look like I'm doing well and holding it together and good for you and i'm praying for you.
It's amusing to me..... people who really have never cared about my life anytime recently have all the sudden come out of the woodwork. It's kind of a weird thoughtful thing every time it happens.

What's my answer to all of this?

I'm ok.
I'm doing well, keeping busy.
It's hard cause I miss him, but God's drowning me in grace right now.

It really depends on the day... but those are my typical answers right there in type.
And it's not some forced crap I say to hide my real feelings... they're my honest answers.
I don't understand it.

Sure it's hard.... coming home to an empty house and falling asleep in a cold bed got old quicker than and igloo can be made in Canada. Those are the hardest parts of my normal routine.
I don't have someone I can talk to about anything and everything... or just be quiet with and lay on the couch together. I miss that. I miss that more than I want to talk about right now.

But you know what.... I'm ridiculously blessed... more than I can even describe.
I have a job that I have a hard time even thinking of as work because i'm so in love with the ministry and my kids. MY KIDS.
I have kids that say my name a hundred times a day and want to kiss on and hug me and call me mommy.
I have friends who can tell when i need a day alone or when i need to be occupied.
I have a church and people in it who convict and inspire me to be the person God created me to be.
I've been blessed with a marriage that the both of us trust and love each other in a way that blows me away.
I have a God who is doing exactly what I said... drowning me in grace.

I even get to chat with my husband a few times a week on facebook. How blessed am I to live in a place in time where that is possible. I have nothing to complain about. I'm so thankful God has kept me aware of that.
He never said my life was going to be easy when he grabbed a hold of my shabby love-hungry heart so many years ago... but He's never failed to see me through the hardships I've faced.
This is no different.
Even though is a part of my heart and life doesn't quite seem normal or right without him with me....
I'm thankful for the opportunity for us to grow closer even while apart.... and I know we already are.

So ya... i have my days where it just kind of stinks.
I miss holding his hand and kissing his forehead and hearing his laugh. I miss all of that so much.
But my God holds my heart and I'm beyond blessed in this amazing life I live.




2 comments:

  1. I love this, Emily. What a beautiful heart of thanksgiving and what a wonderful perspective of all that God has given! Thank you for inspiring me to seek that perspective. May God continue to shower you with His love and abundant blessings!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your sweet words Sarah! :)

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