this just got real

I think it finally just became real.

After months of knowing... It's finally sinking in.

I kept telling myself:
It's so far off, don't think about it.
All the other ones fell through, this one probably will too.
No point in working yourself up until you're sure.

But it's happening.
We're starting to tell our friends and having to talk about it.

It's exactly one month away.

He's going to be gone for nine long months... So far away it may as well be another world. 

We sat down last week and he taught me how to pay and take care of all the bills. 
That's never happened before.

I'm a big girl.... I'm tough. I've handled a lot of complicated, hard, rough things.... but I think this is definitely going to test my strength and faith more than ever.
Most everything is going to pale in comparison to this. 
I'm sure most people would tell me not to think like that.... but it's just realistic.
I know how dependent i am on Barry.... having someone to talk to, love me, hug me, take care of me...
he really is the greatest husband ever.

He loves me like no one else ever has. I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with having him physically, tangibly taken away from me... my feeling of safety and comfort, my best friend, my love... everything he is for me... just stripped away.

I guarantee I'm going to be a mess. I'm going to need lots of grace from friends at times.
I'm not going to want to be around people sometimes and then be extremely needy at others.
I'll put a super happy strong face on [something i'm killer at] with
some people and completely fall apart in front of others.
My heart strings are going to rip and tear and stretch with him being thousands of miles away.
The short conversations over the internet are going to leave me aching for him.

I'm going to be a roaring mess 85% of the time.

All that being said...
 It's going to be good. I'm going to grow in so many ways.

I'm going to rely on Jesus more. I'm going to grow closer to my church family and other friends. 
I'm going to need to. I'm going to need those relationships more than ever.
My prayer life will definitely see new life.
I will grow hungrier and hungrier for time with Him and in His Word!
My heart will be more and more full of Jesus. And I want that more than anything in this life.

With the strong and loving relationship I have with my husband, 
I have no doubt that this deployment will only grow us stronger together 
if we keep our hearts focused on the right things and our foundations remains in Jesus. 

I'm going to grow up more, be shaped into more of the woman I'm supposed to be.
I'm going to learn to live on my own, like I never had the chance to.
I'm going to learn to be independent while still having my heart loyally tied to my husband.
I'm going to have more time to focus on what God wants from me and for me as an individual.
It's going to be a unique way to grow individually, but also together while he's away.

 Not for a moment am I saying that it's going to be easy...
But i'm thankful for the forced opportunity to grow.
I'm looking forward to what God does in both Barry's and my heart and our lives.
How He chooses to use us apart from one another while we are still 'one'.

God is so GOOD.
Who am I to question his plan?
A part of me is just excited to see what He will do.


  1. you are having such a good attitude! Reading about a husband being away makes me want to you are definitely in my prayers!

    1. thank you so much Calista! I really appreciate the prayer :)

  2. Oh wow! Soooooo beautiful photos! Amazing! :)


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