all by myself or alone

So i really don't like being alone.
I don't mind being by myself though.
Somehow there is a distinct difference in my brain.

Obviously this is coming up because Barry left for an overnight escapade on army business.
And obviously it's not a very independent /women empowerment sort of thing to say that I'd really rather not be alone for a night. But I don't care. I typically do care.... I care too much about what people think about my dependency on my husband. But tonight I don't care what you think of me one way or another... especially if you're going to point out that he's only gone for a night.

enjoying some "me time" :)


Don't get me wrong.... it's not that I can't be left alone, by myself without freaking out. In fact... more and more I enjoy 'me-time'. I like being able to do whatever I want. Turn my music up as loud as I want; light candles and open the windows and read a book in silence for as long as I want; spread out and across the whole living room with a paint project; workout without disturbing anyone; go out and get a starbucks and sit in the sun. Seriously... i enjoy it... in fact, I wish it happened a little more often.

But the difference between that and being alone is when my husband - the one i rely on and who's company I enjoy more than anyone - is hours away from me. If i need him... I can only call him and hope he can pick up. I think that's the biggest thing.... I rely on him for so much... what if I especially need him for something and he's not here. I feel almost helpless thinking about that. Other than that... there are lots of little things I dislike about being alone... home alone that is. My house is so quiet and still it's unnerving[ I usually turn the t.v. on for a little motion/noise, if i don't feel like music]. I feel the need to set the alarm while I'm in the house. There's no chance to hear Barry's laugh across the room. I sit alone [Barry and I frequently sit... without talking really, we just sit in the living room each doing something on our own... but the fact that he's there, just makes me happy]. I won't be able to fall asleep next to him. It sucks and I feel completely alone.

Once again... go away you people making fun of me or about to tell me that i should appreciate that i have my husband home most of the time or that i have a husband at all. I understand that it probably seems silly. But just because my situation is different than yours doesn't mean you're going to change the way I feel by pointing it out. ok? ok. i'm just having a dependent - husbandless for an evening - girl moment.

Anyway... ya i dislike being all alone.... and who can blame me when I have a husband that likes watching Downton Abbey with me and wants me to share in the things that make him laugh, who hugs me when I get home and kisses me goodnight.

my love

So are there any others out there like me.... haha


7 comments:

  1. I'm just like you and we have been married 17 years! It's called true love . I hate it when he's not here yet I love my "me time" too. It's just knowing he's accessible that gives me peace.

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    1. Yep... I think that's just it for me too - him being accessible! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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  2. I totally understand. If Alex works overtime I wait until he gets home to fall asleep!

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    1. i'm totally the same way... i stay up as long i can so that i can go to bed with him :)

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  3. I completely understand what you're talking about. For me, the difference is whether I'm alone on purpose or not. When I have no choice in the matter, it drives me crazy. When David went on a business trip a couple weeks ago, I went to stay with my mom. And I thought about you so much that weekend and how often Barry is gone. I pray for you all the time and for the strength it must take to deal with your husband being away. At least you always know he's coming right back, and that can be your comfort :)

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    1. You know... now that you say that, I can totally relate with that. When the army takes Barry away spur of the moment or completely wrecks plans by sending him away for a week or two... I completely lose it. Thank you so much for the prayers, that means so much to me! I'll be thinking of and praying for you now too when these situations pop up!

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