pardon my mess

I'm a bit of an emotional wreck these days. So if I seem distant or rude... Please don't think it intentional. I've just got a lot going on and I get caught up in my own head sometimes.
I never have dealt with stress too well...

Please pardon the fact that the next few paragraphs are a bit of a brain spill...

Barry is leaving town for 2 weeks... Which is usually all it takes to throw me into an emotional basketcase. I get pretty lonely pretty fast when I don't have him around....embarrassing moments of choking up whenever I mention something to do with the fact that he's gone happen more frequently and in public places than I care to admit. I'm a lot better than i used to be..... but i'm still a pretty big wimp.

But that's only part of the worst of it at the moment... Right now, my heart has never been so split in two over my past home and my current home. Some of my closest friends are having babies or have already had one and they are quickly growing up. My best friend just got engaged and my brother is falling in love for the first time and while I'm beyond excited for them, I'm also so incredibly sad that I don't get to share in their joy and get to know their significant others as well as I would if I were around.
Yet down here, I've finally embraced living and enjoying where God has me! We're plugged into an incredible church family, i'm growing close and closer to some amazing people... I'd be sad to have to leave here... It's really my home now!

If those two things aren't leaving me frazzled enough... I have an interview this weekend that I'm freaking out about! It's for a management position at the company I'm currently working for. I keep telling myself there is nothing to stress over... If the good Lord wants me to get the job, I'm obviously going to get the job... Despite how awkward I may act under pressure.

On top of all that... A couple crazy happenings have gone on with people who are incredibly rude and have either acted or said something that has hurt a dear friend's feelings or my own feelings. I really want to beat up the person who hurt my friend and I want to ask the people who hurt mine, WHAT THE HECK their problem is.

Because of all of this... My body/mind refused to let me sleep the other night and I woke up dry heaving that eventually lead to the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do while driving to work yesterday morning.... Don't ask. I had an unforgiving headache turned into entire spine ache turned into every joint in my body aching..... and still today. Upon waking i was so dizzy i almost fell over. The only thing I've been able to keep down today so far is a piece of toast. UG. UG. UG! So who knows where this illness came from. :p Probably a bit to do with me stressing.... but i really hope i'm not that capable of stressing THIS much.

So ya I'm a bit of a mess. I know i can get lost in my own thoughts and ignore people sometimes... hopefully I haven't hurt anyone's feelings or come off rude in my current state or annoyed the crap out of you by your reading of this "one of those kind of posts" post.
Feel free to slap me out of it if next time you see me and pray for me if you don't mind :)


  1. Well, I totally understand the "two homes" feeling. I only live an hour away from the people I grew up with and I STILL feel like I'm missing out a lot! Hope you feel better soon!

    1. Ya it's so easy.... life happens so quickly, it's easy to miss things! Thanks girl :)


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