"tales of the cleaning lady"

I want to write a book. Compiling all the tales and insane happenings of my life as a housekeeper.
It would be like one of those books that divulge a bunch of past Hollywood secrets... Though "dirty" in a totally different way.

I could tell you how I've cleaned places where I've had to leave my equipment at the door, cause there is no space on the floor that isn't covered with crap.

Or speaking of crap... I've stepped in more pee puddles and vomit than I care to say. It was right in the open and the client just left it there knowing I'd be coming. Seriously?

How about someone who follows you room to room watching you like a hawk while cleaning. Talk about nerve wracking. Or having someone ask you to re-vacuum carpet because it's fuzzy. ...ha. I wanted to laugh so badly.

Another time I laughed pretty heartily was when I started finding different sized panties stuffed in places the single male client apparently thought no one would look. Or the time i realized i was cleaning a couple's sex and wine apartment. Then instead of laughing, I became a bit grossed out and started cleaning even more thoroughly.... Haha... It's still pretty funny though.

Oh! And pairing bathrooms with grossness... How's about the time I discovered that if left long enough in the right amounts, urine can actually form chunks. Yes you read that right. Most horrifying moment of my life.

I would probably dedicate an entire chapter to what I find in and on child's rooms toilets and trash cans. Lollipops. Bubblegum. Inside out soiled diapers [ya... I cried]. You name it... I've probably seen it.

Life as a housekeeper isn't all crazy stories though... I've been blessed with a pretty amazing lot of clients I see every week. They [force] feed me breakfast, ask me for homeschooling advice [no idea why], laugh and joke around with me, encourage me in other pursuits by feeding me info that they have a vast knowledge of, want to know about my life, send me home with treats, tell me how much they appreciate me, show that appreciation by tipping me well... Etc.

I've also learned a lot... Everything from the quickest way to clean a bathtub to how I want to raise my kids in certain aspects of life.... Holy cow.
Actually let's not get me started on that one... There are a lot of rabbit trails that spin off from that subject!

Yep...I really need to write a book or make a regular blog posting "tales of the cleaning lady". Haha
What do you think? Would anyone read it?


  1. I would read it. :o) I don't know if I could clean if someone was watching my every move. I might get too sassy and say, "since you're gonna be here, wanna help?" and hand them a mop. That probably wouldn't be good...lol.

    1. haha cara! believe me, i struggle with that all the time. the worst is when i know they don't work and they are just sitting around all day watching soap operas while i scrub and sweep and clean... haha

  2. I'd read it too. This is funny.


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