My Dream Job

Everybody has one, right?
Mine isn't what society would probably call a job - but it's as much of a job as anything else. You're working to accomplish things... working towards a goal - that's what you're doing when you go to work right? The only difference with my dream job, is you don't get paid.

Work from / Stay at Home Wife & Mom

That's what I want. I was reminded just how much this week, when I had the day off work on Wednesday and accomplished things I haven't been able to do for [literally] weeks, get a home cooked meal and dessert made, worked out, cleaned house and did laundry... amongst many other things.
My desire isn't a lazy excuse to get out of a 'real job'. I want it so i can be doing the things I know my heart is in completely. I want to make our house more and more of a home, not for our sole benefit.. but to bless those in need as well as friends and family. It sounds silly, but i want time to grocery shop with a purpose - to make healthy and delish meals for my husband and me [and eventual kids] and do it while saving money. I want to take care of things that need fixing and do them well. To be the lady who the neighborhood kids can come to for cookies or if they need a safe place to be. I want to know our budget and bills inside and out - to feel confident that i can take care of things when barry is unable to for whatever reason. I want to keep our house clean and tidy. I want time to go and learn things and do things - audit photography classes, volunteer in my community, get involved in church... the list goes on.
I want to start my own 'crafty' business and have photography gigs going. I wouldn't even mind having a couple houses to clean on my own. But i want to be pouring love into lives and warmth into my home full time, rather than working day in and day out full time.
I  want it now.... not later..... and most of the sense of urgency is because I want to be at home when we start having kids. I don't want to be a mom that isn't 100% dedicated to the things that matter most. But i also want it to start soon because i'm tired of feeling like i'm just working towards a paycheck. Working towards a happy home and family is way more important to me.
Homemaker = making a home..... that's what i want to be doing.

Gosh. I want all of those things more than anything else.... but i can't do it while working a full time, rather physically draining job, where my time is not my own, my energy not able to be devoted where my heart is.

It's super frustrating watching women who have this opportunity just squander it away. They use it as an excuse to sleep in til noon everyday and then sit around on their butts watching their soap operas or playing on their computers. I've seen some who have children and hire full time nannies so that they don't have to deal with their own kids and hire cleaners to clean up after their lazy selves. It infuriates me every time I hear about or see it happening. They obviously don't fully appreciate the good thing they have.

... ug. I feel like this post isn't communicating all the emotions and feelings i have about this matter.... for some reason i can't quite seem to fully explain how important this is to me. I could tell you i cry a lot because i so badly want it... but then I'd probably just sound like a whiny person who doesn't want to work..... but that's not my heart at all. Being a homemaker is where i find some of the highest amounts of joy in my life. I love fixing dinner for my husband. I love cleaning up the house for guests. I love painting a room or getting new decor to make a cheerier environment. I love creating a welcoming space for loved ones and strangers alike. I love it. I want more time to do it. I love taking pictures. I need more time in the day to learn how to better myself in that area. I have so many things i would love to use photography in- the biggest being i want to find ways to use it to minister to people.

*sigh*
Some friends and I were talking today about where we want our lives to go, how we don't know how to get there, that we don't want we want, or that we're frustrated we can't get there..... and everything in between... it's frustrating trying to figure all that stuff out. Now that i have an idea of what i want and not being able to do it... well that's even more frustrating.
I guess it's part of learning to live in contentment and trust in God's plan..... I know He's got one. I know His plan is far better than any I could make or hope for.... it somehow doesn't make it any less hard.


2 comments:

  1. Having recently quit my job to be a full time wife, I understand. I have found in my own life that God seems to wait until I am content in my current circumstances before He shows me a way to get where I wanted to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You go girl! that's the way it's always been in my life too, thanks for the encouragement :)

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