desire of the heart

Ok. so i really like my job! i have a great boss and a super sweet manager! i'm typically smiling on my way to work even though it's way too early in the morning! So ya... i really like my job - more so than i could've imagined possible.


All that being said..... Even though i'm happy and smiling....
I want to be my own boss again.... so much so, that the thought never leaves my mind - no matter what i'm doing or what conversation i'm a part of - despite any form of distraction/entertainment that i may be involved in.... there's always a live stream of that thought lingering in my brain waves. I'm always asking God for a way... always seeking ideas for how to see it come about and i think my desperation for it to happen comes out in my speech more frequently than i'm sure people care to hear about.... sorry guys : /

I want nothing more than to only work a couple days a week like i used to do and be able to be a stay-at-home wife/someday-mom. Being able to keep my house clean and a welcoming retreat for us and any company that may choose to pop in as well as keep yummy & healthy food available would make me happy than a bird flying in the sunny sky.
I want to put down roots in Nashville... because it doesn't look like we're going anywhere anytime soon. With a full time job... i don't have the opportunity to meet anyone new, take part in anything besides work, church on sundays and the occasional hang out at someone's house. I want MORE... i want to get involved in all sorts of things.... i want to have the time to practice photography and have hobbies!
I want the FREEDOM that comes with being my own boss... the fact that i could nurture close friendships and form new bonds... that i could find time to meet up for coffee and minister to someone who is hurting... i could get involved in the community projects going on... i could expand my knowledge on the things i'm interested in... i could have more daylight hours to do what i want with. I miss that FREEDOM.

It's extremely frustrating having had all these things at one time and now not being able to.

I've had more than one person tell me that working full time is just a fact of life and i have to learn to deal.... and who knows - maybe that is what God wants from me from this point on [if not forever... obviously right now].... but i'm still going to hold out hope. Because my personality is going to have to have an overhaul to be ok with working the regular 9-5 grind for the rest of my life.... haha.

ANYWAY this is not a woe-is-me post. I hope it doesn't read that way.
Like i said.... i'm smiling and happy.... just praying for God to grace me with one of the greatest desires of my heart... opportunity to not only like my job... but LOVE it and be blessed enough to be able to spend time in my home and create a welcoming space to loved ones and strangers alike.... that seriously gives me more joy than [just about] anything else!

ohhhhh.... maybe someday Lord? :)


  1. I know exactly how that feels. Nothing feels better than having the freedom to bring your work everywhere with you, or prioritise things according to your own needs/wants. But on the bright side, at least you're enjoying the job!

    P.S. I have the exact same dream as you: being a stay at home mum and keeping a happy household.

    Belly B :)

  2. Hmm ... it sounds like this may be contributing to your aching for Indiana. *Big sigh*


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